WE ASKED:
“What's the sneakiest email spam you've ever received?”
Indeed, according to the responses to our July “Sneakiest Spam” email survey, there's no shortage of slimy subject lines out there.
The stories our contributors shared represent a virtual cross-section of the sneaky tactics employed by many email marketers. We’re sharing them with you here to provide some ideas on what to look out for, what makes people mad and what marketers should avoid.
Without further delay, here’s a sampling of responses, all winners of a Mobium-designed “I Hate Spam” paperweight in an easy-open 12 oz. can.
YOU ANSWERED:The “here’s the file you wanted” fake-out
“Maybe because it led to the same kind of loss of innocence that accompanies a child when they learn that mom is really the tooth fairy, the spam message that masquerades as a legitimate business message is the most bothersome,” says Steve S., an employee of a large high-tech firm.
Of course, Steve says he has no illusions about the most obvious phony subject lines.
“I can delete without worry any message from authors like dX9ksFt86S3spt@aol.com. I’m quick to discard any message that mentions vacations (that I haven’t made). I know that if someone says I ‘may-have-already-won,’ I haven’t. And I know better than to open anything that says ‘super hot.’”
Except when he gets the familiar “Here’s the file you wanted” message, he can’t help but look. “What if it really was the file I wanted? I ask for lots of stuff. I might have asked for that file. I have to think about it before I delete without opening.”
Steve’s such a sucker. Just like us.
Snookered by an insincere business proposal
An employee of a broadband consulting and design company shares
this lament:
“I was hooked by a reply to email stating that they were
sorry for not getting back to me and have since been considering
my proposal and are very interested in my ideas,” reported
the respondent. “I didn’t remember sending them
anything, but it looked like a business opportunity anyway.”
“Their email then proceeded to pitch their idea of making me a channel partner where I can manage a territory for them. I was so intrigued that I went to their Web page where I read all the details, ultimately to find out there was a big startup fee...thus realizing it was all just a spam scam.”
Proof that despite everyone’s need for new business, every lead is not worth pursuing.
How to lose friends and alienate people
Ruth L. from Canada provides details on a viral email marketing
scam that causes the volume of incoming junk email to multiply
like Andersen auditors at an unemployment office.
“One of my good friends is very health-conscious and asked me if I wanted to be on his newsletter mailing list for updates about health and nutrition issues. I did so quite readily -- but this initial agreement lead to my being put on numerous mailing lists,” Ruth reports. “I currently receive about 10 emails a day from these people and spend a lot of time trying to eliminate these sources. This is not necessarily ‘evil’ but it was thoughtless!”
Been there, Ruth. So much so that when opting in, we’re usually as nervous as all get out.
Mirror, mirror
on the wall, who’s the handsomest emailer of them all?
In the bizarro world of email marketing, some practioners think
we’ll fall for the flattery of getting email from ourselves.
“In addition to the sicko porn spam I unfortunately get everyday in my email box, I get lots of spam from legitimate companies who are renting lists that are gathered from spiders or resold names from a couple less-than-trustworthy sources,” says Josh P. from parts unknown.
“Occasionally, I will get spam from a company that uses names from our Web site as a ‘from’ name...and yesterday even I got a loan offer from myself!”
Josh, before you blame spammers for this, be sure to check to see if your HMO covers treatment for multiple personality disorders.
You know my name,
don’t look up my number
Speaking of neuroses, who hasn't been a victim of credit-card
rip-off paranoia?
“Here’s what really ticks me off,” says Nicky
from Bloomington, Illinois. "The subject line says something
like, ‘Confirmation of order #e0850273459.’ You
HAVE to read it because it just might be something you ordered,
or that someone is using your credit card.”
Nicky, we can get to the bottom of these messages if you’ll just confirm your invoice #22506 with Don Rutz, our accounts receivable guy here at Mobium. If you can’t reach him in person, just leave your credit card number, expiration date and mother’s maiden name on his voicemail.
At this hook-up site, only the employees get screwed
One of the most evil spam stories we received isn’t about
a specific message or phony offer.
After being lured to Minneapolis from Chicago to take a programming position at a dating site, our survey respondent “pmcgovern” says that his bosses decided it needed to boost traffic. Being the kind of businesspeople who were recently sued by the state’s attorney general for deceptive business practices, they naturally decided to go spam-crazy.
“They sent over 37 million emails out to every news server anyone had any knowledge of, every mailing list they could find, and every friend of a friend of a friend that didn’t like that friend, ” says the programmer.
The results were deserved. The giant network operator UUNET made the dating site invisible to 90% of all Internet users. And when the dating site went south, our correspondent was left out in the Minnesota cold—without a job.
And finally...we plead no contest
Our very favorite survey responses actually fingered us—though
we like to think they’re being mad along with us, not
at us.
As “doherm” from an anonymous email account put it so brusquely, “YOU GUYS WIN. HANDS DOWN.”
You gotta love those all-caps love notes.
Or as an another anoymous respondent named “dbenson”
put it:
“Where to begin? The mortgage offers, the debt consolidations,
the offers for potions to enhance virility, the sex site traps
coming through ICQ?
“Nah, too obvious. The sneakiest was to participate in a marketing research ‘question of the month’ survey asking about spam. From you guys. Very sneaky.”
Spam? Heck, we’re fulfilling an important public service here.